Imagine this. I had run into my spiritual mom (Ma Boone) and sister at a red light about a year after I got married. I hadn't been around in a while and couldn't call because I didn't have the number, nor could I stop by because I didn't remember the street they lived on. Ma Boone said "You need to come by the house and see your sister before she goes back to school". I said "I will" the light turned green, she went straight, I took a left and headed home.
A few days later my wife and I went to the library. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but about 5 minutes after I sat down I thought about Ashley and not 5 seconds later she comes walking by me. "Hey” I said. “I was just thinking about you, my wife is here, you can finally meet her". After introducing my wife I had her schedule for me and Ashley to hang out that Friday night.
Friday came, I picked Ashley up and we drove off. As soon as we got half way down the street she said "I didn't think you were going to come." I said "Why would you say that?" "Because you always say you're going to come see me and never do." My heart dropped. I wanted to pull over right then and there and just hug all the disappointment I could out of her.
What made me hurt so bad was that what she was really say was "Charles when you break your promise to me you’re telling me I’m not important, and when you show me I’m not important I don’t feel important and eventually I’ll act like I'm not important."
I felt horrible. My little sister who values my opinion, was looking for me to show her something that she was having a hard time believing herself. She was looking for me to tell her she mattered and I failed. She was losing confidence in me. She was beginning to doubt me.
Have you ever thought about where doubt comes from? Think about it. I'll wait.
Tell me if you agree with this statement. Doubt comes from disagreement.
If someone constantly told you they were going to do something and they don't, the next time they tell you what they are going to do you say "I doubt it" You disagree with what the idea that they will do what they said they would do.
Have you ever made a New Years resolution that you didn't follow through on. You know January 1st comes around and you're going to lose that 20lbs and get back into that wedding dress. Or you going to quit smoking, write a book, go into business for yourself, etc, etc, etc. Have you ever done that?
Well in the same way that Ashley began to lose confidence in me and started to doubt what I said. When you don't follow through on what you said you'll do for you, you begin to lose confidence in yourself.
Most people don't know, but your subconscious mind remembers everything you said you were going to do and didn't follow through on. That's why when you say to others you're going to lose that weight in January you start feeling a little uneasy, because you remember all the other times you said you would and didn't. You're own mind is saying "I doubt it" and that's what that uneasy feeling is. No matter who the promise is made to, yourself or another
Broken promises destroy confidence,
keeping promises builds it.
Oh yeah, after I realized what Ashley was really say through what she said. I made it a point to go and apologize. She cried because by admitting my error to her without her prompting I was showing her she is important, because she is.
Are you destoying confidence or building it?
Charles Henderson
Phone: 617-329-9007
Chief Rebuilder
The Rehab Project:
Phone: 617-329-9007
Chief Rebuilder
The Rehab Project:
Teach & Train to Transform
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What's so real about this is that often times we don't even take into consideration what we are actually doing both to others as well as to ourselves. I hear you bro and am appreciative of the reminder.
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